29 years ago I got married. I took my wife Fancie’s hand and gazed into her eyes. Joy and excitement filled me about our new life as husband and wife. Though we were young, I knew that we based our love on a shared faith and commitment to God.
On our wedding day, as we exchanged vows, my mind raced ahead. We would spend decades together, building a marriage and a family. There would be challenges. But I believed that if we clung to biblical principles, we could weather any storm.
In the first years, like any young couple, we weathered many storms in our marriage. Through it all, we learned biblical foundations like communication, forgiveness, and spiritual growth.
We invested in our friendship and made time for laughter and adventure together. Even when finances were tight or jobs were stressful, we made space for our romance to keep our bond strong.
Now, with two grown daughters and one grandson, I’m grateful for our marriage. There have been highs and lows, but our commitment has remained firm. The principles we learned early on have served as anchors, keeping us close to God and each other through it all.
Young lovers, I hope you will find the keys to a lasting, joyful union. If you base your relationship on faith, hope and love, you’ll be on the path to the marriage God wants for you both.
The Importance of a Strong Foundation in a Christian Marriage
When Jesus was questioned about marriage and divorce by the Pharisees he answered:
“4 Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Matthew 19:4-6 (NKJV)
A strong foundation is key to any success. Christian marriage is no exception. A house needs a firm foundation to withstand storms. A strong marriage needs the same to thrive in life’s trials.
A strong foundation for a married couple offers stability and security. It gives them a sense of purpose. It lays the groundwork for a relationship built on trust, love, and commitment to God and one another.
A marriage built on the Word of God radiates His love and faithfulness. It becomes a testimony. It becomes a source of strength for both partners. It helps them weather any storm that comes their way.
This strong foundation helps the couple. It also shows the world what a God-centered relationship looks like.
Principle 1: Putting God at the Center
The key to a strong Christian marriage is to put God at its center. When God is the foundation of your relationship, everything else will fall into place.
Seek God’s guidance, wisdom, and grace. Invite Him into your marriage. Let Him lead and guide you in all aspects of your relationship.
Put God at the center by prioritizing your spiritual growth as individuals and as a couple. Seek His will for your lives by praying together and studying His Word together.
Focusing on God in your marriage invites His blessings and favor. You’ll also lay the groundwork for a partnership anchored in faith and love.
Principle 2: Communication and Active Listening
Effective communication is vital for a successful marriage. In a Christian marriage, it is even more important.
Communication is not just about talking. It’s active listening, understanding, and empathizing with your spouse.
Create a safe space for your partner. Share your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.
In a Christian marriage, partners should communicate with love, respect, and honesty. Kindness, patience, and understanding are very important.
Active listening shows your spouse you value their thoughts and feelings. You confirm their experiences and show them that you hear and value them. Good communication builds trust and emotional closeness between a husband and wife. It strengthens their bond.
Principle 3: Trust and Honesty
Trust and honesty are key in any marriage. They are even more important in a Christian marriage.
A strong relationship is built upon the bedrock of trust. Trust that they have your best interests at heart. Have faith that they will be true to their commitments.
Honesty is the cornerstone of trust. Be willing to be open, transparent, and vulnerable with your spouse.
Be truthful, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable. Honesty needs integrity, humility, and a commitment to doing what is right, even when it’s hard.
In a Christian marriage, trust and honesty go hand in hand with faith in God. Trust in God’s faithfulness and be honest with each other. This will create a safe, secure space where love can flourish and your marriage can thrive.
Principle 4: Mutual Respect and Support
Mutual respect and support are essential for a successful Christian marriage. Respect is important in any healthy relationship.
Honor and value your spouse. Recognize their worth. Treat them with dignity and kindness. Respect is not earned; it is given freely and unconditionally.
In a Christian marriage, respect goes beyond mere politeness and courtesy. Acknowledge and appreciate each other’s strengths, talents, and contributions. Support and encourage one another in pursuing your dreams and goals.
Mutual respect fosters love and acceptance. It lets both partners grow and thrive.
Support is another crucial aspect of a strong foundation in a Christian marriage. You should stand by your spouse, no matter what. Be their biggest cheerleader, their confidant, and their shoulder to lean on.
Be there for each other in good times and bad. Offer a listening ear and a helping hand when needed.
Principle 5: Forgiveness and Grace
Forgiveness and grace are vital components of a successful Christian marriage. No relationship is perfect. Couples will make mistakes and hurt each other.
Forgiveness is the key to healing and reconciliation. Let go of resentment, anger, and bitterness, and extend grace and mercy to your spouse, just as God extends it to us.
In a Christian marriage, forgiveness is not optional; it is a commandment. Jesus taught us to forgive others as we have been forgiven.
“And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.”
Matthew 6:12, NLT
Forgiveness is an act of obedience and an expression of love. It frees you from the burden of holding onto grudges. It also allows you to experience the peace and joy that come from reconciliation.
Grace is closely related to forgiveness. It is the unearned favor and love that God gives us. We should, in turn, give it to our spouse.
Choose to love your partner, flaws and all, as God loves you. Be understanding and compassionate, and give them another chance.
Principle 6: Quality Time and Prioritizing the Relationship
Quality time is essential for building a strong foundation in a marriage. In our fast-paced and busy world, it’s easy to get caught up in the demands of work, family, and other commitments. However, it’s important to prioritize your relationship and make time for each other.
Quality time isn’t just about being there physically. It’s also being emotionally present. Set aside distractions and give your undivided attention to your spouse.
Quality time helps you connect deeply. You can share your dreams and nurture your bond.
In a Christian marriage, prioritize your bond. Make time to be together, go on dates, and create shared experiences. Invest in your marriage and make it a priority, even when life gets busy.
When you prioritize your relationship, you tell your spouse that you value them.
Principle 7: Shared Values and Goals
Shared values and goals provide a sense of unity, purpose, and direction in a marriage.
Shared values are the beliefs that guide your decisions as a couple. They are the moral compass that keeps your marriage grounded in God’s truth.
Shared goals are the dreams and aims you pursue together as a couple. They give you something to work toward and provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Sharing values and goals creates a focused, aligned partnership. It centers on what really matters.
In a Christian marriage, shared values and goals are rooted in God’s Word. They are based on His commandments and teachings.
Align your values and goals with God’s truth. This will build your marriage on a solid foundation. It will also ensure your decisions and actions align with His will.
Principle 8: Intimacy and Emotional Connection
Intimacy and emotional connection are crucial for a strong and fulfilling Christian marriage.
Intimacy goes beyond the physical; it involves emotional, spiritual, and intellectual connection. It is the deep bond and closeness that you share with your spouse. Intimacy requires vulnerability and trust. It needs a willingness to reveal oneself and to receive love.
Emotional connection is the foundation of intimacy. Understand and empathize with your spouse’s thoughts and feelings. Be in tune with their needs, desires, and concerns.
To connect emotionally, you must engage and show real interest. You must also commit to nurturing your spouse’s emotional well-being.
In a Christian marriage, prayer and worship nurture intimacy and connection. Seeking God together deepens your spiritual connection. It creates a strong bond that time cannot break.
Principle 9: Conflict Resolution and Problem-Solving
Conflict is inevitable in any marriage. But how you handle it determines the strength and longevity of your relationship.
Conflict resolution and problem-solving are essential skills for building a strong marriage. They require open, honest communication and active listening. They also need a commitment to finding solutions that satisfy both parties.
In a Christian marriage, conflict resolution is guided by biblical principles. Be humble and willing to admit when you’re wrong, and commit to seeking reconciliation.
Conflict can provide a chance to grow and learn. It forces you to face your flaws and to forgive your spouse.
Problem-solving is about finding practical solutions to your marriage’s problems. Be ready to compromise, and be willing to work together as a team.
Problem-solving needs creativity, flexibility, and a commitment to finding win-win solutions. Solutions that honor God and benefit both partners.
Principle 10: Continual Growth and Learning
A strong foundation in a Christian marriage requires continual growth and learning. Marriage is a journey. There is always room to grow, improve, and understand each other better.
It’s important to invest in your growth and your relationship. Seek knowledge and wisdom. Read books, attend seminars, and seek trusted mentors. Be open to feedback and constructive criticism, and be willing to change and adapt.
Continual growth also involves spiritual development. Seek God’s guidance and allow Him to shape and mold you into the person He created you to be.
Grow in your faith and deepen your relationship with Him. Then, you can love and serve your spouse with grace and compassion.
Conclusion
Building a strong foundation for a successful Christian marriage is a lifelong journey. It takes dedication and a commitment to invest time in your relationship.
Put God at the center, prioritize communication, and listen to each other. Cultivate trust and honesty, and show mutual respect and support. Forgive and show grace. Prioritize quality time. Share values and goals.
Nurture intimacy and connection. Master conflict resolution and problem-solving. Embrace growth and learning. Create a marriage that honors God and brings you closer to each other every day.
So, embark on this adventure. Build a lasting, successful Christian marriage.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q. What does the Bible say about marriage?
A. The Bible presents marriage as instituted by God between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24). Marriage is a sacred covenant before God, not just a civil contract (Malachi 2:14). Key Bible passages describe the marriage and roles of husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7). The Bible sees marriage as part of God’s good created order.
Q. Why is marriage so important from a Christian perspective?
A. For Christians, marriage reflects Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:32). Marriage offers companionship (Genesis 2:18). It also provides a framework for procreation and stable families, which Scripture supports. A healthy Christian marriage can display Christ’s love to the world. It can also bring glory to God.
Q. What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?
A. According to Jesus in Matthew 19:6, the marriage covenant is ideally indissoluble. But, divorce is allowed in some cases, like sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32). Views on whether remarriage after divorce is permissible vary among Christian denominations. Prioritize reconciliation and forgiveness, if possible (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).
Q. What do various Christian churches believe about same-sex marriage?
A. The Bible clearly states that marriage is between man and woman (Genesis 2:24).
Some Christian denominations permit same-sex marriage (e.g. some Anglican churches). Others, like the Roman Catholic and most evangelical churches, prohibit it. However, Scripture says marriage is between one man and one woman.
Q. Does the Bible permit couples to live together or have sex outside of marriage?
A. No. The Bible condemns sex outside of marriage as immoral (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
Living together and having sex before marriage fails to meet God’s standards for purity and commitment. It also fails to protect the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4).
For those considering marriage, I encourage patience. Wait to be sexually intimate.
Q. What advice does the Bible give to husbands and wives?
A. Husbands must love and sacrifice for their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). They must honor their wives as equals before God (1 Peter 3:7). They must be faithful to the marriage covenant.
Wives must respectfully submit to their husbands’ leadership (Ephesians 5:22-24). They must love them without conditions and maintain moral purity (Titus 2:4-5).
The Bible stresses mutual love, patience, and honesty in a Christ-centered marriage. It also calls for effort in building it.
Q. Does the Bible support couples receiving marriage counseling or attending workshops?
A. Yes. A deeper understanding of godly marriage principles can strengthen couples at any stage.
Workshops, seminars, trusted counselors, and mentors can all help. They can foster intimacy, improve communication, resolve conflicts, and enhance relationship skills.
Embracing feedback shows humility and a desire to excel in marriage by God’s grace.
Q. What promises of Scripture can encourage those struggling in Christian marriage?
A. God can bring hope to difficult marriages if both spouses turn to Him (Ephesians 5:21).
God endures His people’s sins and weaknesses with great patience. Couples should endure struggles with kindness and patience (Colossians 3:12-13).
Pray over your marriage. Trust that what God has joined, He will enable to grow stronger (Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9).
Christian couples should depend on the Word. They should allow the Holy Spirit to work in them. Then they can experience supernatural blessings in their marriage.
