As I took Fancie’s hand and gazed into her eyes, I was filled with excitement and joy about the new life we were starting together as husband and wife.
Though we were young, I knew our love was rooted in a shared faith and commitment to God.
On the day of our wedding 28 years ago, as we exchanged our vows, my mind raced ahead to the decades we would spend together building a marriage and family.
There would inevitably be challenges, but I believed that by applying biblical principles, we could weather any storm.
In the first years, we went through many challenges but through it all, we learned biblical foundations like submission, communication, forgiveness, and continued spiritual growth.
We invested in our friendship and made time for laughter and adventure together. Even when finances were tight or jobs were stressful, we made space for our romance to keep our bond strong.
Now, as we enter a new season with two grown daughters, a grandson, and retirement on the horizon, I’m filled with gratitude for the marriage we’ve built.
There were highs and lows, but our commitment to each other remained firm. The principles we learned early on have served as anchors keeping us close to God and each other through it all.
Young lovers, I hope that you too will discover the keys to a lasting, fulfilling union that brings you joy for a lifetime.
If you root your relationship in faith, compromise, and care for one another, you’ll be on the path to the thriving marriage God desires for you.
Importance of a Strong Foundation in a Christian Marriage
When Jesus was questioned about marriage and divorce by the Pharisees he answered:
4 “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6 (NKJV)
biblegateway.com
A strong foundation is crucial for any successful endeavor, and Christian marriage is no exception.
Just as a house needs a firm foundation to withstand the storms and challenges that come, a strong marriage needs a solid foundation to thrive amidst the trials of life.
A strong foundation for a married couple provides stability, security, and a sense of purpose. It lays the groundwork for a relationship built on trust, love, and commitment to God and one another.
When a marriage is built on the strong foundation of the Word of God, it becomes a testimony to God’s love and faithfulness.
It becomes a source of strength and support for both partners, enabling them to weather any storm that comes their way.
This strong foundation not only benefits the couple but also serves as a shining example to the world of what a God-centered relationship looks like.
Principle 1: Put God at The Center
The first and most important principle for building a strong foundation in a Christian marriage is to put God in the center of your relationship.
When God is the foundation of your marriage, everything else will fall into place.
Seek God’s guidance, wisdom, and grace. Invite His presence into your marriage, and allow Him to lead and guide you in every aspect of your relationship.
Put God at the center by prioritizing your spiritual growth as individuals and as a couple. Seek His will for your lives by praying together, and studying His Word together.
By making God the focus of your marriage, you invite His blessings and favor into your relationship.
You’ll also lay the groundwork for a partnership that is anchored in faith and love.
Principle 2: Communication and Active Listening
Effective communication is a must for any successful marriage, and in a Christian marriage, it takes on even greater significance.
Communication is not just about talking. It’s about active listening, understanding, and empathizing with your spouse.
Create a safe space where both partners can express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or criticism.
In a Christian marriage, communication should be rooted in love, respect, and honesty. It should be characterized by kindness, patience, and understanding.
By actively listening to your spouse, you demonstrate that their thoughts and feelings matter to you.
You validate their experiences and show them that they are heard and valued.
Effective communication fosters emotional intimacy, builds trust, and strengthens the bond between husband and wife.
Principle 3: Trust and Honesty
Trust and honesty are foundational principles in any marriage, but they hold even greater importance in a Christian marriage.
Trust is the bedrock upon which a strong relationship is built. Believe that you can rely on your spouse, that they have your best interests at heart, and that they will be faithful and true to their commitments.
Honesty, on the other hand, is the cornerstone of trust. Be willing to be open, transparent, and vulnerable with your spouse.
Be truthful, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable. Honesty requires integrity, humility, and a commitment to doing what is right, even when it’s hard.
In a Christian marriage, trust and honesty go hand in hand with faith in God.
By trusting in God’s faithfulness and being honest with each other, you’ll create a safe and secure environment where love can flourish, and your marriage will thrive.
Principle 4: Mutual Respect and Support
Mutual respect and support are essential for a successful Christian marriage. Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
Honor and value your spouse as a person, recognize their worth and treat them with dignity and kindness. Respect is not earned; it is given freely and unconditionally.
In a Christian marriage, respect goes beyond mere politeness and courtesy.
Acknowledge and appreciate each other’s strengths, talents, and contributions. Support and encourage one another in pursuing your dreams and goals.
Mutual respect creates an atmosphere of love and acceptance, where both partners can grow and thrive.
Support is another crucial aspect of a strong foundation in a Christian marriage. You should stand by your spouse, no matter what.
Be their biggest cheerleader, their confidant, and their shoulder to lean on.
Be there for each other through the good times and the bad, offering a listening ear, and providing a helping hand when needed.
Principle 5: Forgiveness and Grace
Forgiveness and grace are vital components of a successful Christian marriage.
No relationship is perfect, and couples are bound to make mistakes and hurt each other unintentionally.
Forgiveness is the key to healing and reconciliation.
Let go of resentment, anger, and bitterness, and extend grace and mercy to your spouse, just as God extends it to us.
In a Christian marriage, forgiveness is not optional; it is a commandment. Jesus taught us to forgive others as we have been forgiven.
“And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.”
Matthew 6:12 NLT.
biblegateway.com
Forgiveness is an act of obedience and an expression of love. It frees you from the burden of holding onto grudges.
It also allows you to experience the peace and joy that come from reconciliation.
Grace is closely related to forgiveness. It is the unmerited favor and unconditional love that God extends to us, and that we, in turn, should extend to our spouse.
Choose to love your partner, flaws and all, just as God loves you. Be understanding, and compassionate, and give them another chance when they mess up.
Principle 6: Quality Time and Prioritizing the Relationship
Quality time is essential for building a strong foundation in a marriage.
In our fast-paced and busy world, it’s easy to get caught up in the demands of work, family, and other commitments.
However, it’s important to prioritize your relationship and make time for each other.
Quality time is not just about being physically present; you should be emotionally present too. Set aside distractions and give your undivided attention to your spouse.
Quality time allows you to connect on a deeper level, share your dreams and aspirations, and nurture your emotional bond.
In a Christian marriage, prioritize your relationship by making intentional efforts to spend time together, to go on dates, and to create shared experiences.
Invest in your marriage and make it a priority, even when life gets busy.
By prioritizing your relationship, you send a message to your spouse that they are valued and cherished.
Principle 7: Shared Values and Goals
Shared values and goals provide a sense of unity, purpose, and direction in a marriage.
Shared values are the beliefs and principles that guide your decisions, actions, and priorities as a couple. They are the moral compass that keeps your marriage grounded in God’s truth.
Shared goals, on the other hand, are the dreams, aspirations, and objectives that you pursue together as a couple. They give you something to work towards and provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
When you share values and goals, you create a partnership that is aligned and focused on what truly matters.
In a Christian marriage, shared values and goals are rooted in God’s Word. They are based on His commandments and teachings.
By aligning your values and goals with God’s Word, you ensure that your marriage is built on a solid foundation and that your decisions and actions are in line with His will.
Principle 8: Intimacy and Emotional Connection
Intimacy and emotional connection are crucial for a strong and fulfilling Christian marriage.
Intimacy goes beyond the physical; it involves emotional, spiritual, and intellectual connection. It is the deep bond and closeness that you share with your spouse.
Intimacy requires vulnerability, trust, and a willingness to be fully known and loved.
Emotional connection is the foundation of intimacy. Understand and empathize with your spouse’s thoughts and feelings. Be in tune with their needs, desires, and concerns.
Emotional connection will require active engagement, genuine interest, and a commitment to nurturing the emotional well-being of your spouse.
In a Christian marriage, intimacy and emotional connection are nurtured through prayer, worship, and shared spiritual experiences.
By seeking God together, you deepen your spiritual connection and create a strong bond that withstands the tests of time.
Principle 9: Conflict Resolution and Problem-solving
Conflict is inevitable in any marriage, but how you handle it determines the strength and longevity of your relationship.
Conflict resolution and problem-solving are essential skills for building a strong marriage. They involve open and honest communication, active listening, and a commitment to find mutually satisfactory solutions.
In a Christian marriage, conflict resolution is guided by biblical principles. Be humble and willing to admit when you’re wrong, and commit to seeking reconciliation.
Conflict can be an opportunity for growth and learning, as it forces you to confront your shortcomings and extend grace and forgiveness to your spouse.
Problem-solving, on the other hand, is about finding practical solutions to the challenges and issues that arise in your marriage. Be ready to compromise, and be willing to work together as a team.
Problem-solving requires creativity, flexibility, and a commitment to finding win-win solutions that honor God and benefit both partners.
Principle 10: Continual Growth and Learning
A strong foundation in a Christian marriage requires continual growth and learning.
Marriage is a journey, and there is always room for growth, improvement, and deeper understanding.
It’s important to invest in your personal development as well as in the growth of your relationship.
Seek knowledge and wisdom, through reading, attending marriage seminars or workshops, and seeking guidance from trusted mentors or marriage counselors.
Be open to feedback and constructive criticism and be willing to change and adapt.
Continual growth also involves spiritual development. Seek God’s guidance and allow Him to shape and mold you into the person He created you to be.
Grow in your faith and deepen your relationship with Him so that you can love and serve your spouse with greater grace and compassion.
Conclusion
Building a strong foundation for a successful Christian marriage is a lifelong journey.
It requires dedication, commitment, and a willingness to invest time and effort into your relationship.
Put God at the center, prioritize communication, and listen to each other. Cultivate trust and honesty, and show mutual respect and support.
Practice forgiveness and grace, make quality time a priority, and share values and goals.
Nurture intimacy and emotional connection, master conflict resolution and problem-solving, and embrace continual growth and learning.
Create a marriage that honors God and brings you closer to each other every day.
So embark on this exciting adventure together, and build a successful Christian marriage that will stand the test of time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q. What does the Bible say about marriage?
A. The Bible presents marriage as instituted by God between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24). Marriage is a sacred covenant before God, not just a civil contract (Malachi 2:14).
Key Bible passages describe the marital relationship and respective roles of husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7).
Overall, the biblical view sees marriage as part of God’s good, created order.
Q. Why is marriage so important from a Christian perspective?
A. For Christians, marriage relationships point to the love between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Marriage also provides companionship (Genesis 2:18) and a structure for procreation and stable family life, which Scripture encourages.
A healthy Christian marriage should reflect Christ’s sacrificial love to the world and bring glory to God.
Q. What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?
A. According to Jesus in Matthew 19:6, the marriage covenant is ideally indissoluble.
However, under certain circumstances (e.g. sexual immorality as per Matthew 5:32), divorce is permitted.
Views on whether remarriage after divorce is biblically permissible vary among Christian denominations.
However, there is a consensus that reconciliation and forgiveness should be prioritized whenever possible (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).
Q. What do various Christian churches believe about same-sex marriage?
A. The Bible clearly states that marriage is between man and woman (Genesis 2:24).
Same-sex marriage is permitted by some Christian denominations (e.g. some Anglican churches) but prohibited by others (e.g. Roman Catholic and most evangelical churches).
However, the Bible consistently presents marriage that honors God as between one man and one woman.
Q. Does the Bible permit couples to live together or have sex outside of marriage?
A. No. The Bible condemns sexual relations outside the marriage covenant as sexually immoral (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
Living together and having sex before marriage falls short of God’s standards for purity, commitment, and protecting the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4).
For those considering marriage, patience in waiting to be sexually intimate is encouraged.
Q. What advice does the Bible give to husbands and wives?
A. Scriptural principles for a husband include loving their wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25), honoring her as equal before God (1 Peter 3:7), and being faithful to the marriage covenant.
Wives are instructed to respectfully submit to their husband’s leadership in the marriage (Ephesians 5:22-24), love him unconditionally, and uphold moral purity (Titus 2:4-5).
The Bible emphasizes mutual service, patience, honesty, and effort to build a Christ-centered marriage.
Q. Does the Bible support couples receiving marriage counseling or attending workshops?
A. Yes. Growing in understanding of godly marriage principles can strengthen couples at any stage.
Workshops, marriage seminars, trusted counselors, and mentors can all provide wisdom and tools to nurture intimacy, improve communication, resolve conflicts, and stimulate continual growth in faith and relationship skills.
Embracing constructive feedback demonstrates humility and a desire to excel in marriage by God’s grace.
Q. What promises of Scripture can encourage those struggling in Christian marriage?
A. God can bring hope and reconciliation even in difficult marriages if both spouses look to Him (Ephesians 5:21).
God patiently bears with His people’s sins and weaknesses, so couples should graciously endure struggles (Colossians 3:12-13).
Believers can pray over their marriage and trust that what God has joined together, He will enable to grow stronger (Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9).
Christian couples can anchor to the Word, allow the Holy Spirit to work, and experience supernatural blessings within their marriage.
